Teaching on love
You do not love by yourself. You love only because love loves itself in you.
Thomas Merton
Thomas Merton

The Interwoven Nature of Love

In the profound words of Thomas Merton, "You do not love by yourself. You love only because love loves itself in you." This statement invites us to reflect on the interconnectedness of love, suggesting that our capacity to love is not an isolated phenomenon but rather a manifestation of a deeper, universal love that flows through us. The stakes of this realization are significant; understanding love as a shared experience can transform our relationships and deepen our spiritual lives.

Moreover, Merton's insight challenges the common perception of love as a personal possession or an individual act. Instead, he presents love as a dynamic force that transcends the self, urging us to recognize that our ability to love is a channel through which a greater love operates. This perspective not only enriches our understanding of love but also calls us to cultivate a sense of humility and gratitude for the love that exists within and around us.

The image / the metaphor

The imagery in Merton's quote is strikingly vivid, evoking a sense of flow and connection. The phrase "love loves itself in you" suggests a kind of reciprocity, where love is not merely a feeling we possess but an active force that seeks expression through us. The verbs chosen—"do" and "love"—imply action and agency, inviting us to consider how we engage with love in our daily lives. This notion of love as a living entity that flows through us creates a felt sense of belonging to something greater than ourselves.

In the speaker's tradition

Thomas Merton, a Trappist monk, was deeply influenced by the contemplative traditions of both Christianity and Eastern philosophies. His understanding of love resonates with concepts such as kenosis, the self-emptying love that allows for the divine to flow through us. In this light, Merton's assertion can be seen as an invitation to practice selflessness, allowing our personal desires to dissolve in favor of a more profound, collective love. This aligns with the Buddhist notion of sunyata, or emptiness, where the self is understood as interconnected with all beings.

Furthermore, Merton's writings often draw parallels between Christian love and the bhakti tradition in Hinduism, which emphasizes devotion and surrender to a higher love. In his work "Love and Living," he explores how love is not merely an emotion but a transformative force that can lead us to a deeper understanding of ourselves and our place in the universe. This perspective encourages us to see love as a spiritual practice, one that requires intention and awareness.

Living the teaching

Consider a modern scenario where this teaching might resonate: a friend is going through a difficult time, and you feel compelled to offer support. In this moment, Merton's insight reminds you that your ability to love and support your friend is not solely a product of your own strength or compassion; rather, it is an expression of the love that exists within you, a love that is part of a larger, interconnected web of human experience. By recognizing this, you may find yourself more open and present, allowing love to flow freely through your actions.

In a different application, think about a challenging relationship where misunderstandings often arise. Merton's teaching can serve as a guiding principle, encouraging you to approach the situation with the understanding that love is not just about personal feelings but about channeling a greater love that seeks harmony and connection. By shifting your perspective to see love as a shared experience, you may find new pathways to empathy and reconciliation, transforming the dynamics of the relationship.

A reflection

As we contemplate Merton's profound words, we are invited to ask ourselves: How can I become a more open channel for love in my life? This question encourages us to reflect on the ways we might be blocking love's flow, whether through fear, judgment, or self-centeredness. By engaging with this inquiry, we can begin to cultivate a deeper awareness of love's presence within us and in the world around us, ultimately allowing it to guide our actions and relationships.

Thomas Merton
AuthorThomas Merton

Trappist monk, writer, and mystic. His autobiography The Seven Storey Mountain sparked renewed interest in contemplative Christianity.

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Going deeper

Merton suggests that love is not an isolated act but rather a manifestation of a greater, universal love that flows through us. Our capacity to love is intertwined with this deeper love, which invites us to recognize our interconnectedness with others.
You can apply this teaching by approaching your relationships with the understanding that your ability to love is a channel for a greater love. This perspective encourages you to be more present and open in your interactions, allowing love to flow freely.
Yes, the concept of love as a shared experience is echoed in various Trappist writings, particularly those of Thomas Merton and Henri Nouwen, who emphasize the importance of community and interconnectedness in spiritual practice.
Kenosis refers to the self-emptying love that allows divine love to flow through us, while bhakti emphasizes devotion and surrender to a higher love. Both concepts highlight the importance of transcending the self to connect with a greater love.
Contemplative practices such as meditation, mindfulness, and acts of service can support living this teaching by helping you cultivate awareness of love's presence in your life and encouraging you to express it in your relationships.
In challenging situations, you can recognize love's flow by pausing to reflect on your feelings and responses. Ask yourself how you can respond with compassion and understanding, allowing love to guide your actions rather than fear or frustration.

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